I’m unhappy with my life

why? Because I’m in pain every single day, and I don’t want to “talk” to anyone about it and sound like those people who complain all the time, because IT HURTS EVERY DAY. 

The positives of my life are not balanced with the negatives, it’s not just the excruciating pain I can’t deal with anymore—it’s the people closest to me who are struggling to understand what I’m going through.

I’m sorry I have mood swings, it’s really hard to control your emotions when you’re always hurting.  To those closest to me, I have extreme guilt that you all have to take extra precaution just to take care of me, and in return instead of gratitude you see my anger, depression, or intense sadness.

It could be Christmas Eve, Christmas Day they’re all just another day where I wake up and have deal with whatever I’m going through.  And it’s not like cancer gives me a “break,” some days it gets WORSE. 

So the positives BARELY cover the negatives in my life.  I’m trying so hard to focus on them, I’m trying so hard to be normal, I’m trying so hard to be happy. 

3 and a half months ago, I had MY perfect life, I went through hurdles to struggle and achieve it but I got there and I’d do anything just to  wake up even just ONE day and experience that life again.

Merry Christmas Eve ya’ll